Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Hump Day Humor...

Today's Hump Day Humor is compliments of my fabulous writing buddy, Lu. She sent this to me yesterday and I had to share it with you guys today. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

THE ZEN OF SARCASM

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and i t holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Have a fantastic day!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah

3 comments:

Liza said...

I had seen some of these, but saw a few new ones. Thanks for the laugh.

Silver James said...

LOLOL! I emailed these to the DH. Thanks, Alannah!

Oh!?! Do you need more Death books?

Alannah Lynne said...

Liza, I had seen a few too, but not all of them and I LOVED several of them!

Silver, I'm still good on the In Death books. I've gotten side-tracked with a few others, and am really trying to get some writing done. But when I get started back on them, if I can't find the next ones in the series, I'll definitely let you know. Thanks!