WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

Dear Diary,

For Christmas this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god -- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!

It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:

Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late -- it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

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FRIDAY:

I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

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SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..

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SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!


Hope everyone is having better luck than this!!!!

Much peace and love,
Alannah

My Wish For You in 2010

Some of you have probably already seen this. But, if not, I didn't want you to miss out!!

My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy

May the problems you had, forget your home address!

In simple words ............


May 2010 be the best year of your life so far!

Wishing you much peace and love!!
Alannah

It's Monday!!

The holidays over. The new year has begun. It's back to the grind!

My motto for this new year: 2010...The year for discipline!

I'm making myself work every single day. I'm making myself give up sugar. I'm eating healthier and I'm exercising every day. Oh, and no negativity. Boy, that ones harder than all the others put together but I'm determined to get myself back to my positive nature.

And to help me get started.... LOL






I'm sorry the images are so small. I'm still operating from my netbook, while my laptop is in for repairs. I think there's something different about the settings, but I haven't taken the time to figure out what it is.

Hopefully, by next week, I'll be back on my regular computer. *fingers crossed and visualizing my precious, beloved laptop back home where it belongs*

Have a wonderful Monday!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year Glitter Pictures

Drunken Wienies - Take 2

(I should know better than to try and write down a recipe from memory. Sheesh...Sorry, here's the corrected recipe)

These have always been a favorite at our parties and are perfect for a New Year's Eve celebration.

2 Cups Bourbon (1 1/2 cup recommended)
3 Cups Ketchup
1 Cup brown sugar
1 Bottle Heinz Chili Sauce
1 Bottle Kraft Hot BBQ Sauce (If you can't find the "hot," regular will do)
1 Clove garlic minced (I use more than this, but I like garlic. It's up to you how much to use)
1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 onion chopped (optional - I don't use the onion)

Ha! Learn something new everyday. The recipe says to put all ingredients into a crockpot and cook on low for 3-4 hours. THEN add the 4 lbs cocktail wienies or hot dogs cut into bite size. Cook an additional 1-2 hours.

I don't think I've ever done that. I always just throw it all in there together and cook for the afternoon while I'm getting other stuff ready. The sauce can also be used for meatballs.

Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve!!!

Peace and love to all!
Alannah

Hump Day Humor

Yesterday, I talked about laughter helping smooth life's potholes. Well, there is nothing on TV that makes me laugh more than the Geico Pothole commercial. I thought it would be appropriate to post it today and if you've never seen it...I'm so sorry for you and we're going to remedy that right now! LOL

I hope you enjoy it!!



It cracks me up how you can see the definition of her upper lip on that "sooooo...". Oh hell, the whole commercial cracks me up!

Have a fantastic Hump Day!
Peace and Love,
Alannah

Food for thought...

"Laughter is to life what shock absorbers are to automobiles. It won't take the potholes out of the road, but it sure makes the ride smoother."

Barbara Johnson
Writer

This is so true and I hope everyone finds reason to laugh. And often!!

Peace and love,
Alannah