Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hump Day Humor....

A few of us are southern, so I thought this might fun. For those non-southerns, do any of these ring true for you?

Things I Learned in the South

A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes, and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.

If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

Jaw-P? means Did y’all go to the bathroom?

People actually grow and eat okra. And fry it, huh, Silver?

Fixinto is one word. It means I’m preparing to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

Backwards ‘n forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”

You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

No, Jew? is a common response to the question, Did you bring any beer?

You measure distance in minutes.

You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You know what a DAWG is.

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys, Tabasco and ketchup. (We actually have Franks and Texas Pete in our house)

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.

You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin’ Wal-Martin or off to Wally World.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit. (and I started at 10, on the road by 13)

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.

I thought I'd give y'all a sitrep on Last Call. I should be able to finish putting the final spit-shine on it today, and getting it submitted before I go to bed tonight.

Tomorrow, I'll have a list of things I've learned over the past two months while writing this story, and getting it ready to submit.

Have a great hump day!!!!

Peace and love,


Silver James said...

You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

And the converse is true, you switch from A/C to heat in the same day! LOL

I loved these and yes, I had fried okra with supper last night.

Happy Hump Day!

Paula R said...

Thanks for the laughs, Alannah. Silver, I am not big on okra. They use it alot in Jamaica. Boiled okra...blech. It is too slimy for my taste.

Alannah, congrats on the progress you made so far. Can't wait to see your list of what you learned.

I must say it has been a bit warm for the past couple of days. Stay cool!!! Have a great day.

Peace and love,
Paula R.

Lu said...

Some of these brought back fond memories of the years we lived in Florida, but others?...not so much. Like finding a honking huge black rat snake swimming in our pool. And I know it wasn't venomous - but the thing was freakin' monstrous!!! *shiver*

WTG on nearing the end of Last Call!!! Let me know when you hit the "send" button, and I'll pop a cork for you!!! Well, not if it's 2 am, hehe.