Thursday, February 19, 2009

Purple Pre-empted

So, ( absolute favorite word in the whole wide world) I laid in bed Tuesday night thinking and thinking and thinking. And nothing purple came to me. I spent all day Wednesday running errands and preparing for the masses of family we have coming to town for the funeral on Friday and pondered the options of purple.

Blank screen.

I hated to impose on my friends to, once again, come up with the purple prose story to get us going. So (LOL) I decided to preempt the color purple this week and do something else. Hope you enjoy!

Rules of the Universe

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

6. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.

17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

23. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

24. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'

25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

26. You should not confuse your career with your life.

27. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

28. Never lick a steak knife.

29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

33. Your friends love you anyway.

34. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

35. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Hope everyone is having a great week and for most everyone, only one more "get-up" this week (My hubby works weekends so he doesn't get to play this game).

Peace and Love,


Silver James said...

Thanks for the giggle to start my day. Some of those are so very, very true!

Lu said...

Such words of wisdom. Thanks for the smile.

word verification: founce
that should be a real word, but what would it mean?


Alannah Lynne said...

Glad you liked it, Silver. I know it's not nearly as fun as writing purple. Next week I'll be back on track (hopefully).

Lu...Um...what the hell are you talking about? LOL

Did I type "founce" someplace and not know it? Please help my tired brain and explain...

btw...for sure, I won't be in chat tonight. Still unsure about tomorrow night. Is Cara feeling better? *fingers crossed*

Cara Carnes said...

Can I add "There's a special place in hell for those that get others sick."

Great list! Thanks for the chuckle.

I still have my Nyquil in one hand and a hanky in the other. *sigh*