Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Hump Day....well...

I have to confess, this made me laugh. A lot. And I seriously considered sending it to my brother. He's a preacher. But in the end, I decided not to send it along to anyone in my family, because it would - sooner or later - end up in the hands of those who would accost me the next time I go home. They'd drag me to the river, and throw me in. Probably with weights attached to my ankles. LOL

I'm going to apologize right up front. If this offends anyone, and your beliefs, I'm sorry. That is not my intent, and I would never purposely do that. But I think everyone here is open-minded and might find this as enlightening as I did. And humorous as hell!

In fact, if it offends anyone (my regular readers), I'll take it down. Just send me an e-mail and it'll be gone.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. Very informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

PS: It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian :)

Have a great humpday!!
Peace and love,


Lu said...

*applause* This is brilliant! I'm a Canadian, and I'm not offended. But I"m not for sale, hubby likes my cooking too much, hehe.

Speaking of Canada, we're getting smoke from the Quebec wildfires again today, sad and bizarre.

Have a fab writing day! (pfft, as if you need encouragement)

Alannah Lynne said...


If it hasn't been on Yahoo news, I haven't heard about it. All I know about going on in the world is:

* Oil spill continues to get worse
* Gary Coleman died
* There's trouble concerning Isreal and I'm glad my parents are home from there

I'm off to do a Google search on wildfires. Sorry you're getting the smoke. We had that happen a few years ago here, when a wildfire at the coast blew smoke our way. For weeks we had high smoke alerts and it was terrible. I hope they get it out soon!

Silver James said...

Uhm...well...the good doctor pretty much said it all. Lu, sorry about the smoke. It can be insidious.

And dang it, I want to own a Canadian or two! *pout*

Liza said...

LOL!!! So not offended by this. Think it is so funny.

Lu-hope the smoke and fires are put out soon.