Hump Day Humor

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler.

One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter."

"I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.

"We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

UPDATE: 9,362 words on Tuesday and I was able to type "The End!" Although, now that I think about it, I didn't actually type that. I just typed the last line and hit save. LOL Thanks again for all the encouraging and supportive notes!!

Have a fantastic day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Food For Thought...

"Every achiever that I have ever met says, 'My life turned around when I began to believe in me.'"

Dr. Robert Schuller
Minister and Author

It's hard to believe in ourselves sometimes when we don't have any reason to. But this saying is so, so true!!! Do you believe in you?

Make today a fantastic day. And if you answered "no" above, make today the day you start to believe in you!!!

Book-in-a-Week update: Book in a week finished up on Sunday and I figured up my totals last night. Total words for the week - 29,318!! Woo-hoo!!! Total words for Monday, 5099. I'm a happy girl. Thanks for all the encouragement and support. Just knowing I needed to report to you guys helped me more than you can know!!

Peace and love,
Alannah

Weekend Update

I said I'd post my totals over the weekend, to keep myself honest, so here I go.

Friday sucked. I wasn't feeling well and I think the stress of the week finally caught up to me. I was in bed, out cold, by 8:30 that night.

Friday's total: 600 words (or something ridiculous like that).

Saturday I made up a little ground: 6,056 words!

I hope to have between 5-7K today and tomorrow. Originally, I thought I could be finished with this first draft if I did those totals, but as I lay in bed last night and thought about it, I don't think that's going to happen. I think I'll probably need Tuesday too.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend and getting at least a little reading and writing done.

Peace and love,
Alannah

GRRRRRR.....

Time for me and the good folks at Embarq to have a little chat. My Internet has been sporadic all morning and just when I think I've got it fixed and I can get on here to post today's blog - poof! - it goes away again.

I'm not currently reading anything because I'm too busy writing. Honestly!! I know, I can't believe it either.

But what about you guys? What are you reading? How's those writing goals coming along?

I didn't reach my 5000 mark yesterday, I was 200 words short. But, I stopped there because it was the end of a scene, it was late, I was tired and I knew if I started on the next scene I'd just keep going.

I'm off to a really late start today but I'm still hopeful that I'll be able to reach 5K today. I'll post my totals tomorrow, just to keep myself accountable.

Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah

Beef in Red Wine Gravy

LOL...Bet you couldn't have guessed what today's post was going to be. Huh?

I fixed this on Monday night and it was fabulous! And easy too. I mixed it up in the morning, flipped on the crock pot and let it cook until time for dinner. Then all I had to do was cook the noodles to serve with it and heat up some green beans.

1 1/2 pounds beef stew meat, cut into 1" cubes
2 medium onions, cut up
2 beef bouillon cube or 1 envelope (1/2 of 2 oz package) onion soup mix
3 Tablespoons cornstarch
Salt
Ground black pepper
1 1/2 cups dry red wine
Hot cooked noodles (optional)

1. In a 3 1/2 or 4 quart slow cooker, combine meat and onions. Add bouillon cubes or dry onion soup mix. Sprinkle cornstarch, salt, and pepper over meat and onions. Pour red wine over mixture in cooker.

2. Cover and cook on low-heat setting for 10 to 12 hours or on low-heat setting for 5 or 6 hours.

3. If desired, serve over hot cooked noodles.

per serving: 211 calories, 4 g total fat (1 g sat. fat), 67 mg chol, 430 mg sodium, 8 g carb, 1 g fiber, 24 g protein.

BIAW Update: Yesterday sucked! I only got to 2311. I'm so disappointed. I tried, I really did. But it's tough to write when you're not at home for more than 10 minutes at a time and there's family drama pouring down in buckets.

I'm determined to make up that count today so you probably won't see me until later in the day.

How about you guys? Silver? How much do you have left to add before you can send that puppy off?

Liza, thanks for being a great cheerleader. I, for one, need all the help and support I can get! And Paula's right - there is no such thing as "just a reader." Without readers, writers wouldn't have a purpose.

*waves at Paula* Have you gotten any writing done this week? Even a few words?

Lu - your birthday is over, put the cake away and get busy!! *kachee*

Son #2 update - several asked about his meet so I'm gonna brag for a second. He ran the 3.1 miles (5K) in a personal best record - 24.15. Previously, his best time was 26.0. He probbly could have finished faster, but when he got to the 2 mile mark and the coach called out a time of 15 something he started to panic that he was running too fast so he forced himself to slow down. Then he got cramps and decided to speed back up again. LOL


Enjoy the recipe and have a great day, everyone!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Hump Day Humor

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss John says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel Great. I be at work soon..........You got nice house."


BIAW Report: Yesterday I managed 7,029 words!! Woo-hooo!!! My shoulders, back and wrists aren't happy, but I'm as happy as a pig in a puddle over the production.

Silver? Lu? Did you manage to pull yourselves away from the guys long enough to get any writing done?

And a big thank you to our wonderful cheerleader, Paula!! *V* Just writing a little every day is better than nothing so do what you can, Paula, and be proud that you've gotten something on the page. And thanks for the encouragement and support! Hugs!

I hope today is a fabulous hump day for everyone!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

What I'm Reading...

Well, I've done it again. Somehow, I ended up smack dab in the middle of a series. But, as always, I figure I got the exact book I was supposed to get for whatever reason. This is the first book by Kresley Cole that I've read and so far, I'm enjoying it immensely. Here's the cover and scoop from her website:


Book 3 in the bestselling Immortals After Dark series

~ Available November 2007 ~

A brutal Highland werewolf. An exquisite young witch. Immortal enemies … forbidden temptations.

Her breathless kiss haunts him.

Bowen MacRieve of the Lykae clan was nearly destroyed when he lost the one woman meant for him. The ruthless warrior grew even colder, never taking another to his bed—until a smoldering encounter with his enemy, Mariketa the Awaited, reawakens his darkest desires. When sinister forces unite against her, the Highlander finds himself using all his strength and skill to keep her alive.

His slow, hot touch is irresistible.

Temporarily stripped of her powers, Mari is forced to take refuge with her sworn
adversary. It’s rumored that no one can tempt Bowen’s hardened heart, but soon passion burns between them. Though a future together is impossible, she fears he has no intention of letting her go.

No deed is too wicked for her seduction.

If they defeat the evil that surrounds them, can Mari deny Bowen when he demands her body and soul—or will she risk everything for her fierce protector?

Have a super weekend, everyone!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Lowcountry Shrimp and Grits

INGREDIENTS

3/4 cup yellow stone-ground grits
3 cups milk
1/8 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon butter
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 pound shrimp, peeled and deveined
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon white pepper


DIRECTIONS
1.In a medium saucepan, bring the milk to a boil. Stir in the grits, and reduce heat to low. Cook, stirring occasionally, until silky, about 10 minutes.

2.Meanwhile, heat olive oil and butter in a skillet over medium heat. Saute onions until tender, then toss in shrimp. Season with salt and pepper, and cook 4 to 5 minutes, or until shrimp turn pink. Stir shrimp mixture into grits, and continue cooking for 10 to 15 minutes. Serve hot.

I picked this recipe in honor of being in SC this week. My hubby loves shrimp and grits! Some recipe are much more complicated than others. I just found this recipe online and haven't tried it yet, but it seems simple enough that even I could do it. LOL

Have a great day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Hump Day Humor

Bob works hard at IBM and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Wonder when Bob will get out of the hospital.

Bad, I know, but funny. Have a great day!!

Peace and love,
Alannah

Food For Thought...

"Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it."

Diane Sawyer

Have a great day!
Peace and love,
Alannah

A Mate's Risk by Cara Carnes

As I mentioned yesterday, today is the release of A MATE'S RISK, by Cara Carnes. Cara is a writing buddy, a phenomenal critique partner and an awesome friend. She's also a prolific writer who keeps me green with envy.

Here's the cover (isn't it cool how they put his picture in the hourglass?) and blurb:


Blurb:

Melinda Morgan is ready to shed her inhibitions. Crafting her ideal lover for an
ancient ceremony seemed ideal. She didn't expect it to actually work. When a
gorgeous man appears in the flesh to fulfill her darkest desires, she savors the
temptress he unleashes within her too much to let him go.

Djar Malaks defied laws, time and space to experience Melinda's passion. After
centuries of servitude to ungrateful gods, he's willing to risk anything to
quench his hunger. Sating his needs and awakening her fantasies can't escape the
grim reality that he must return to his time to.

Locked in a passion neither is willing to ignore, Melinda and Djar soon discover
only the time spinner can decide their fate.


OK, now that the details are out of the way, on to the good stuff. No party - at least not on my little get-away island here on the web, is complete without hunks to take care of everyone's every needs. Enjoy!!












Enjoy the party and have a fantastic weekend!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah

Hump Day Humor

When I tried to read this to my husband the other day, I was laughing so hard that I had to keep stopping, wipe the tears and catch my breath. I hope you guys enjoy it, even a fraction of as much as I did.


I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.

In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result'.

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts; the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

"You want me to turn it up?" said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

"Ha ha," I said. And then it was time; the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea! Really! I slept through it! One moment, ABBA was yelling,'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.


On the subject of Colonoscopies...

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?

3. Can you hear me NOW?

4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

5. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.

6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?

7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...

8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!

9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.

11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?

12. God, now I know why I am not gay.

And the best one of all.

13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

Have a marvelous day!!!
Peace and love (and no colonoscopies to you!),
Alannah

Food For Thought...

"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it."

Michelangelo Buonarroti
1474-1564, Italian Renaissance Painter and Sculptor

This is one of my all time favorite quotes. Hope it's a fantastic week for you!!

Peace and Love,
Alannah

Help Me Pick A Name

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog...

I need names for the characters of a short story I'm working on and I want you guys to help me decide.

Normally, I wouldn't show pictures because I think it takes away from the reading experience. But this bad-boy fallen angel is just too yummy not to share! (Shhh...don't tell if you recognize him as one of the character of a very popular series) I've narrowed his name down to the following:



Lazare
Lazaro
Luciano
Ludovico







The heroine is a pure as new-fallen snow angel, one of the highest of the highest, who's been sent to save him. And I honestly don't know who's going to win this battle. I've narrowed her names down to the following:


Cairistiona
Carlina
Celestyna
Clarisse
Caritta


What do you guys think? Thanks for the help!

Since I outed myself earlier this week, you now know that if it's 8:something and I'm posting my blog, that means I don't have my act together and am scrambling to come up with something. I know it's supposed to be recipe day, but I got nothin'! And I'm supposed to be "unplugged" today, so I'm just going to post an e-mail that was in my inbox this morning. Too funny!! I don't think you'll be disappointed. LOL

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous
staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is
one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood
the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the
meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising
slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written
for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a
Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week
went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock !

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra , Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.

Have a super-fantastic day!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah

Food For Thought...

"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored."

Earl Nightingale
1921-1989, Author and Radio Announcer

Make it a fantastic day!
Peace and Love,
Alannah