Thank You, One and All...

As we approach the beginning of another month - I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery


I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..hmmmm

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up a Pennie dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.


If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .


Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

THANK YOU, ONE AND ALL!...................


Sorry for the delay in posting today's Hump Day Humor! Hope you enjoy!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Food For Thought...

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

Thomas Edison

We're headed to Duke to today to meet with the seizure specialist. The medicines are creating as many problems for Hubs as they're fixing, so we're hoping to get some answers and possible solutions. Please keep your fingers crossed for us! :)

Have a great day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Anagrams

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY


ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:á
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Have a great Thursday!! One more get-up! :)
Peace and love,
Alannah

Hump Day Humor....

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."



I have to say that Hubs is a very, very good passenger. He's had to be chauffered everywhere since October (because of the seizures the doctor has him back on restriction), and he hasn't one time done or said anything to indicate he wasn't happy with my driving. He's probably afraid I won't drive him and then he'll be walking. LOL

Hope it's a Happy Hump Day for you!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Food For Thought...

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain.

The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?"

Mary Manin Morrissey
Minister, Author and Speaker

Have a great day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

What I'm Reading...

I got this book for Son #1 for Christmas. I figured he already had it, but when I saw it at B&N I had the strongest feeling that I needed to get it. Sure enough, he got it as soon as it was released, so I've decided to read it myself.

I've always been a Guns N Roses (and Slash) fan, and I'm a pretty curious to have the story behind it. And the heading along the top that says, "It seems excessive...but that doesn't mean it didn't happen," makes me even more curious. :) As a great heading should!

So what about you? What are you reading?

Have a great weekend!!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Law of the Garbage Truck

Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so ... Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!

Peace and love,
Alannah

Hump Day Giggle...

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"

"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"


Happy Hump Day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

Food For Thought...

‎"The question is not 'What if I die tomorrow?' It is, 'What if I live another 20 or 30 years the way I am?'" ~~ Kim Wolinski


A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, I swiped it, posted it as my status update...then proceeded to spend the rest of the day in a deep depression. LOL I didn't post it to be depressing, I thought it was awesome and really, really liked it and wanted to share it for that reason.

But the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got. However, I do think it's one of the most profound things I've heard in a long time, so I'm passing it along to you today. :)

I hope it's a great day for everyone!!!
Peace and love,
Alannah

What I'm Reading...

Nothing! :( I have a HUGE stack of books that I want/need to be reading, and I just can't find the time. Between edits on LAST CALL, finishing up the last few chapters of my mystery, and taking 3 online courses in January - yes, I've lost my mind! - I can barely find the time to sleep. Let alone read.

So...what about you? What are you reading? What other books do I NEED to add to my TBR pile? LOL

Have a great weekend!!!

Peace and love,
Alannah

More Food for Thought...

"The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous."

Margot Fonteyn

I hope the first week of the new year is going great for everyone!
Peace and love,
Alannah