I was somewhere around Wytheville, VA yesterday when I realized I hadn't scheduled a blog post for Tuesday. Hopefully this hump day humor will make up for my slackness.
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
God replied: "Hell! I didn't recognize you."
Happy Hump Day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more "action." Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action." And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger."
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says, "You mean I was here already?"
hehehe
Happy Hump Day!!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more "action." Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action." And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger."
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says, "You mean I was here already?"
hehehe
Happy Hump Day!!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Food For Thought...
"Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."
Joseph Sugarman
Marketing Expert
Have a great Tuesday!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Joseph Sugarman
Marketing Expert
Have a great Tuesday!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Friday, October 22, 2010
Change of Program
I said yesterday that HelenKay would be visiting with us today, but she's under the weather and wasn't able to get me her blog post. As soon as she's better, we'll reschedule - hopefully one day next week.
So, what am I reading?
J.R. Ward's CRAVE!!!!
My awesome friend, Liza, was kind enough to get me an autographed copy at the Kentucky booksigning. I managed to wait an entire twenty-four hours before starting on it.
Now, the real test will be...can I use it as a reward for getting my writing done each day. Or will discipline totally fly out the window and I won't write another word until after I've finished the book? LOL
Anyone want to take bets on which way it goes?
Have a fantastic weekend!!
Peace and love,
Alannah
So, what am I reading?
J.R. Ward's CRAVE!!!!
My awesome friend, Liza, was kind enough to get me an autographed copy at the Kentucky booksigning. I managed to wait an entire twenty-four hours before starting on it.
Now, the real test will be...can I use it as a reward for getting my writing done each day. Or will discipline totally fly out the window and I won't write another word until after I've finished the book? LOL
Anyone want to take bets on which way it goes?
Have a fantastic weekend!!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I wish I was this quick-witted!!
Best Comebacks Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”
Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”
Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
Man: “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”
Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”
Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”
Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”
Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”
Man: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman: “Do not Enter”
Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized.”
Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason.”
Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”
Man: “I know how to please a woman.”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”
Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”
Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”
Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?
Please be sure to stop by tomorrow and say hello to my Writing With the Stars mentor, HelenKay Dimon!!
Have a great Thursday!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Best Comebacks Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”
Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”
Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
Man: “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”
Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”
Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”
Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”
Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”
Man: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman: “Do not Enter”
Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized.”
Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason.”
Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”
Man: “I know how to please a woman.”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”
Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”
Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”
Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?
Please be sure to stop by tomorrow and say hello to my Writing With the Stars mentor, HelenKay Dimon!!
Have a great Thursday!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Hump Day Humor....
During one of her daily classes, a teacher, trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying,"That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your
good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
Gotta love little Johnny!!
Happy Hump Day!
Peace and love,
Alannah
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying,"That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your
good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
Gotta love little Johnny!!
Happy Hump Day!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Food For Thought...
"There's plenty of intelligence in the world, but the courage to do things differently is in short supply."
Marilyn vos Savant
Columnist, Author and Lecturer
I'm guest blogging today at HelenKay Dimon's, talking about my years as a Mary Kay lady, and the awesome compliment my son gave me this weekend. Please drop by and say hi to me over there if you have a chance. Thanks!!
Have a fantastic day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Marilyn vos Savant
Columnist, Author and Lecturer
I'm guest blogging today at HelenKay Dimon's, talking about my years as a Mary Kay lady, and the awesome compliment my son gave me this weekend. Please drop by and say hi to me over there if you have a chance. Thanks!!
Have a fantastic day!!
Peace and love,
Alannah
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