"Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it."
Diane Sawyer
Have a great day!
Peace and love,
Alannah
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A Mate's Risk by Cara Carnes
As I mentioned yesterday, today is the release of A MATE'S RISK, by Cara Carnes. Cara is a writing buddy, a phenomenal critique partner and an awesome friend. She's also a prolific writer who keeps me green with envy.
Here's the cover (isn't it cool how they put his picture in the hourglass?) and blurb:
Blurb:
Melinda Morgan is ready to shed her inhibitions. Crafting her ideal lover for an
ancient ceremony seemed ideal. She didn't expect it to actually work. When a
gorgeous man appears in the flesh to fulfill her darkest desires, she savors the
temptress he unleashes within her too much to let him go.
Djar Malaks defied laws, time and space to experience Melinda's passion. After
centuries of servitude to ungrateful gods, he's willing to risk anything to
quench his hunger. Sating his needs and awakening her fantasies can't escape the
grim reality that he must return to his time to.
Locked in a passion neither is willing to ignore, Melinda and Djar soon discover
only the time spinner can decide their fate.
OK, now that the details are out of the way, on to the good stuff. No party - at least not on my little get-away island here on the web, is complete without hunks to take care of everyone's every needs. Enjoy!!
Enjoy the party and have a fantastic weekend!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Here's the cover (isn't it cool how they put his picture in the hourglass?) and blurb:
Blurb:
Melinda Morgan is ready to shed her inhibitions. Crafting her ideal lover for an
ancient ceremony seemed ideal. She didn't expect it to actually work. When a
gorgeous man appears in the flesh to fulfill her darkest desires, she savors the
temptress he unleashes within her too much to let him go.
Djar Malaks defied laws, time and space to experience Melinda's passion. After
centuries of servitude to ungrateful gods, he's willing to risk anything to
quench his hunger. Sating his needs and awakening her fantasies can't escape the
grim reality that he must return to his time to.
Locked in a passion neither is willing to ignore, Melinda and Djar soon discover
only the time spinner can decide their fate.
OK, now that the details are out of the way, on to the good stuff. No party - at least not on my little get-away island here on the web, is complete without hunks to take care of everyone's every needs. Enjoy!!
Enjoy the party and have a fantastic weekend!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Hump Day Humor
When I tried to read this to my husband the other day, I was laughing so hard that I had to keep stopping, wipe the tears and catch my breath. I hope you guys enjoy it, even a fraction of as much as I did.
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.
I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.
In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result'.
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts; the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
"You want me to turn it up?" said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
"Ha ha," I said. And then it was time; the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea! Really! I slept through it! One moment, ABBA was yelling,'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
3. Can you hear me NOW?
4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
5. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...
8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?
12. God, now I know why I am not gay.
And the best one of all.
13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
Have a marvelous day!!!
Peace and love (and no colonoscopies to you!),
Alannah
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.
I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.
In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result'.
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts; the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
"You want me to turn it up?" said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
"Ha ha," I said. And then it was time; the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea! Really! I slept through it! One moment, ABBA was yelling,'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?
3. Can you hear me NOW?
4. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
5. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
6. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?
7. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...
8. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!
9. If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.
11. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?
12. God, now I know why I am not gay.
And the best one of all.
13. Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
Have a marvelous day!!!
Peace and love (and no colonoscopies to you!),
Alannah
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Food For Thought...
"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it."
Michelangelo Buonarroti
1474-1564, Italian Renaissance Painter and Sculptor
This is one of my all time favorite quotes. Hope it's a fantastic week for you!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Michelangelo Buonarroti
1474-1564, Italian Renaissance Painter and Sculptor
This is one of my all time favorite quotes. Hope it's a fantastic week for you!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Friday, September 4, 2009
Help Me Pick A Name
We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog...
I need names for the characters of a short story I'm working on and I want you guys to help me decide.
Normally, I wouldn't show pictures because I think it takes away from the reading experience. But this bad-boy fallen angel is just too yummy not to share! (Shhh...don't tell if you recognize him as one of the character of a very popular series) I've narrowed his name down to the following:
Lazare
Lazaro
Luciano
Ludovico
The heroine is a pure as new-fallen snow angel, one of the highest of the highest, who's been sent to save him. And I honestly don't know who's going to win this battle. I've narrowed her names down to the following:
Cairistiona
Carlina
Celestyna
Clarisse
Caritta
What do you guys think? Thanks for the help!
I need names for the characters of a short story I'm working on and I want you guys to help me decide.
Normally, I wouldn't show pictures because I think it takes away from the reading experience. But this bad-boy fallen angel is just too yummy not to share! (Shhh...don't tell if you recognize him as one of the character of a very popular series) I've narrowed his name down to the following:
Lazare
Lazaro
Luciano
Ludovico
The heroine is a pure as new-fallen snow angel, one of the highest of the highest, who's been sent to save him. And I honestly don't know who's going to win this battle. I've narrowed her names down to the following:
Cairistiona
Carlina
Celestyna
Clarisse
Caritta
What do you guys think? Thanks for the help!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Since I outed myself earlier this week, you now know that if it's 8:something and I'm posting my blog, that means I don't have my act together and am scrambling to come up with something. I know it's supposed to be recipe day, but I got nothin'! And I'm supposed to be "unplugged" today, so I'm just going to post an e-mail that was in my inbox this morning. Too funny!! I don't think you'll be disappointed. LOL
The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous
staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is
one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood
the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the
meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising
slogans.
The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written
for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations were acceptable.
About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a
Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week
went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock !
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra , Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.
Have a super-fantastic day!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous
staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is
one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood
the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the
meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising
slogans.
The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written
for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations were acceptable.
About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a
Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week
went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock !
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra , Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.
Have a super-fantastic day!!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Food For Thought...
"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored."
Earl Nightingale
1921-1989, Author and Radio Announcer
Make it a fantastic day!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
Earl Nightingale
1921-1989, Author and Radio Announcer
Make it a fantastic day!
Peace and Love,
Alannah
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